Talking to Miriam Shapira is like taking a breath of fresh air.

As a clinical psychologist specializing in resiliency, and the chair of Mahut Israel, she is an expert on how to deal with uncertainty and stress. And boy, is Israel experiencing both right now.

The extended war with Hamas which began when the Gazan terror group invaded Israel on October 7 has been bad enough, but over the last few days anxiety levels have rocketed after Israel assassinated two senior leaders of Hezbollah and Hamas; and Iran, Hezbollah, the Houthis and Hamas threatened a massive retaliation.

“Uncertainty is the most challenging situation for a human being because one of our most important strategies for resilience is information,” explains Shapira.

“When we know what is going on, and have knowledge and information, we can organize ourselves to meet any situation and cope with it. When we do not have this information we feel helpless, and helplessness is an enemy to wellbeing.”

Just how much an enemy becomes clear as soon as you search the Internet. 

Uncertainty over extended periods is not only distressing but it can leave people hopeless and depressed, suffering from forgetfulness, inability to focus, increased heart rate, nausea, pain, fatigue and paralysis of action.

A weapon of war

As such, uncertainty is actually a weapon, and this hasn’t been lost on Hezbollah leader, Hassan Nasrallah, who said on Tuesday that the uncertainty surrounding when and how Iran and Hezbollah might retaliate was part of its strategy to punish Israel.

Shapira is quick to agree. “The uncertainty being aroused in us is one of the weapons of Iran,” she told me. “This is psychological warfare, and it’s very successful. They know how Israelis react. It’s not the aim of terror to kill as many people as possible, but to frighten the population and make them less resilient, and weaker.

“It’s important for us to remember this. When we talk about the waiting, the waiting, the waiting, the helplessness, we cooperate with the enemy. We need instead to collect our resources and not to weaken ourselves.”

While Shapira is talking specifically here about the Israeli situation, her comments are relevant to anyone experiencing extended periods of uncertainty anywhere in the world, due to health concerns, political concerns, war, elections, employment, pandemics or other reasons.

So what can we do to collect our resources?

Identifying what we can influence

First, says Shapira, make a list of the components of a situation that we can influence, and a list of those that we can’t.

For those we can’t, she suggests using mindfulness, yoga or breathing exercises and then putting these thoughts to one side.

“Imagine wrapping them up in nice paper and putting them away,” she says. “There’s nothing you can do to control them, so it’s not useful thinking about them.”

On the other hand, we should embrace all the things we can do to influence the situation and be prepared.

In Israel right now, that means preparing a safe room; making sure you have supplies of water and batteries; living a normal life, but knowing where members of the family are and being prepared if there is a siren.

For people facing a hurricane, it might mean boarding up your home or business, preparing emergency supplies, and knowing the location of shelters  or escape routes.

Shapira also suggests that we need to do more during uncertain times to induce positive hormones like serotonin, endorphins and oxytocin in the body.

“When you are stressed, your brain starts to make cortisol — the stress hormone. And as this accumulates over days, weeks and months, it starts to influence many systems in our body and weaken them,” says Shapira. “We need to counteract this with positive hormones that make you feel good.”

She suggests aerobic exercise like swimming, running, walking or Zoomba. Or hugging the people we love.

“If you hug someone you love even for 20 seconds, it makes your body produce oxytocin,” she says.

Laughing helps

Laughing can help, she says. Even if the laugh feels artificial.

“It creates a positive cycle,” Shapira says.

“The body is key to maintaining our wellbeing. The aim is not to release all of your anxiety, but some of it. We don’t want to be at an anxiety level of 10, but at one of 3, or 4, or even 5. To maintain some anxiety in uncertain situations is good; it makes us cautious and prepared.”

It’s also important to continue on with as normal a life as possible. Go to work, be busy with family, take part in activities.

“The most important thing is not to think about it all the time. Check in on the news once or twice a day. But don’t listen to what everyone is saying. This is not useful,” she explains.

Other suggestions include spending time with friends and family, making time for enjoyable activities, and helping others.

“When you help other people, you are helping yourself,” she says, admitting that this is the way she personally finds strength in difficult times. “It means you are not passive or helpless, but involved and active.”

She also suggests that we need to be more compassionate to ourselves also.

“When you are in a stressful and changing situation, you don’t have to be excellent. It’s enough to be okay.”

We are more resilient than we think

Shapira spends a lot of time counseling in communities in Israel’s southwest, which were brutally destroyed in the October 7 Hamas attacks. Yet she believes that people are inherently strong.

“As a human race, we are more resilient than we realize,” she says. “During times of stress or uncertainty, people feel they cannot deal with things, but this is not the truth; they can deal with them. We have natural resilience and resources within ourselves that we just have to notice.

“Uncertainty is part of life,” she adds. “We will experience uncertainty many times during our lives, as individuals, families, communities and even the world.”

She urges people to remain flexible, saying it is an important component of resilience.

“People who are stiff may seem strong, but they cannot be flexible in a dynamic reality. It’s better to develop the ability to be flexible, to be able to accommodate change whether that’s Covid, difficult elections, or war.”

In difficult times, she believes that strength also comes from understanding one’s own values and the meaning they find in life.

“In normal times, people don’t look for the meaning in their life, because there isn’t time. But in a harsh time of uncertainty and anxiety it’s beneficial to look inside at the values you live for, the meaning you have in life as an individual, a partner, a family member or in a community. When you have meaning, you can deal with every situation, even the worst ones.”

Time to change the news

She believes a vast improvement is needed in the media.

“The media have not fully understood their role in these situations. They need to bring information, yes, but they also need to bring hope. They need to provide information about our strength, and our ability to deal with stress,” Shapira says.

“News organizations focus on bad news and anxiety. Their information is frightening and there is not enough balance. We don’t see the other side of resilience and strength.”

As I listen to Shapira, I realize her words are a stunning endorsement for ISRAEL21c, with its focus on positive news that aims to provide hope and inspiration.

She ends our conversation on a suitably high note, describing study after study that shows that trauma and periods of great uncertainty can often lead to enormous growth both personally and communally.

“We have to have faith and a belief that this will pass. Life is interesting and full of change. Difficult times can often be an opportunity. This is what makes us develop as a human.”

12 tips to handling periods of uncertainty

1. Ignore the things you cannot influence and concentrate on the things that you can control.
2. Prepare yourself and your family or community.
3. Continue normal activities, but know what to do if something happens.
4. Exercise – running, walking, swimming. Move your body.
5. Laugh – even if it feels a little artificial.
6. Spend time with friends and family.
7. Hug the people you love.
8. Help others.
9. Limit access to news to once or twice a day.
10. Remind yourself of the meaning in your life.
11. Be flexible.
12. Be compassionate to yourself.